Let The Bible Speak – Gleaning Truths From The Word

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Hymn For The Day: Psalm 140:1-4

“1Deliver me, O LORD, from the evil man: preserve me from the violent man;

2Which imagine mischiefs in their heart; continually are they gathered together for war.

3They have sharpened their tongues like a serpent; adders’ poison is under their lips. Selah.

4Keep me, O LORD, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from the violent man; who have purposed to overthrow my goings.”

Prayer For The Day:

To The Great Architect Of The Universe, we are here today to learn truths from The Holy Bible. We thank you for individual liberty and trade.
Address:

Sinners, Saints, Atheists, Socialists, Statists, and those that may have Asperger’s Disease, I welcome you to the Hall Of Ianism, where today we shall study ancient truths, often not spoken of in this, our wicked age of statism, Churchism, and indeed, the wicked age of anti-liberty. There are truths in ancient passages and texts, texts that some have pirated for their own use, and indeed until recent times (relative to the past two millenia), many would have had you not free to read and understand for your ownselves. We give thanks to The Great Architect in revealing His Will to man; that man should gain in knowledge and truth, for as has been recorded, the truth shall set you free.

Passage:

For today’s passage, I would invite you to open your Holy Scriptures to Genesis Chapter 30 and read verses 1 through 24. If you do not have a Bible in front of you (for shame), you may use this resource, Bible.com to locate the passage. For our Fundamental friends, I will be using the King James version today, for our study on this most wonderful passage that provides much truth and insight into the liberty of man (and of course woman) in regard to sex, drugs, and … I imagine although the it was not in use in the Hebrew vernacular, rockin’ and rollin’ (ok, I’ll admit, there is no reference to any parties with great music going on, so I’ve added the rock ‘n roll bit myself).

Please take a few moments to read, meditate and ponder upon this ancient wisdom that we are about to discuss.

Have you completed your reading?

Wonderful. Now let’s do some exegesis of The Word, and be ready with an open mind, and of course in a spirit of love (your free to love yourself as well – I say you can’t have love for others if you don’t have love in the first place) so that we may ingest into our minds these wonderful truths and so that we can wave the sword of knowledge against those that think they know what is best for us.

Background:

A little background here – Genesis Chapters 29 & 30 tell us about Jacob and his family. Jacob was the grandsom of Abraham, and who deceived his father Isaac into giving him the family “title” over Jacob’s older brother, Esau. Earlier, from Genesis Chapter 27, we know that deceipt carries with it, consequences, of which Jacob paid. However, God did bless Jacob in the end.

Jacob ran off to his Uncle Laban’s place where he got a glimpse of Laban’s daughter, Rachel, with whom he fell in love with for her beauty. It was indeed, lust/love at first sight. Jacob agreed to work 7 years for Laban for the priviledge of marrying Rachel, but after the 7 years were up, Laban tricked Jacob and handed over Rachel’s sister, Leah. Jacob of course, was not a happy camper with this development. Laban agreed however, that if Jacob would work another 7 years for him, Rachel would belong to Jacob. Jacob agreed.

However! Contrary to what many believe, Jacob did not have to wait 7 more years for Rachel. In fact, after one week with Leah, he got Rachel as well. Basically, Jacob had to screw Leah’s brains out for a week in order to make the marriage official, and then he could have Rachel. If you read Genesis 29:27-28, you will note that after the week of screwing Leah, Rachel was handed over to Jacob. The rest of Chapter 29 shows us that Jacob was having sex with both sisters, but only Leah was able to have babies.

EXEGESIS OF CHAPTER 30

– On Surrogate Mothers –

What does the Bible have to say about surrogate mothers? Well, in the modern sense of surrogate motherhood, nothing. To be clear, we should understand that medical technology was simply not developed during the time of the ancients that would allow another woman to carry the impregnated eggs of another woman. So, The Bible has another solution for this, which we’ll discover that both Leah and Rachel took advantage of.

Please read chapter 30, verses 1 through 13.
Sex, and more sex, friends. Obviously, Jacob had been screwing both Leah and Rachel, but Rachel did not conceive. She got upset, and Jacob blamed the problem on the Lord, as you can see if you read verse 2. Rachel then requests that Jacob screw Rachel’s maid, a woman named Bilhah. According to Rachel, if Bilhah gave birth while on Rachel’s knees, the baby would be Rachel’s baby. And Jacob was potent – he got Bilhah pregnant, which according to The Holy Word, was God’s answer to prayer.

This occurred a second time, so through the surrogacy of Bilhah, Rachel had two sons.

But a little problem occurred – Jacob was still screwing Leah, but she wasn’t having any more babies. So now Leah requests that Jacob go and screw Leah’s maid, Zilpah. You can read about this in v. 9 and 10. It’s quite clear, even in the King James version.

So let’s get this straight here, in case you are confused. Jacob is screwing his wife Leah, his wife Rachel, and also the maids of Leah and Rachel, for a minimum of 4 women.

– On Sex For Drugs and Male Prostitution

Now we move into some really interesting stuff. Earlier, I had said I would preach a sermon about the use of a narcotic in the Bible. Let us again “be clear” here, as we take a look at v. 14. See the mention of mandrakes? Well, what are mandrakes, exactly? Mandrakes are a narcotic root, plain and simple. They contain both atropine and hyoscyamine, recognized as pain killers and sleep inducers, and also known to be hallucinogenic. Eastern and Middle Eastern cultures also believe mandrakes to have a postive effect on a female’s reproductive abilities. We also come across mandrakes again in Holy Scripture in the wonderfully sensual Song of Solomon, Chapter 7:13, where they are alluded to in a romantic sense. Ah, those of use who love and appreciate the wonders of sensuality enjoy the Song of Solomon!

Let us return to Genesis 30 and look again at v. 14. We are told that Reuben, the first born son of Jacob by way of Leah, was harvesting wheat and discovered mandrakes in the field. Reuben showed them to his mother, Leah. Rachel found out about them, and boy oh boy, did she ever want these mandrakes! Rachel asked Leah to give her the mandrakes.

Ah, but Leah seems to be upset at this, for her response, which you can read in v. 15 is one of, “Huh, Ms Rachel?? You’ve had your way with Jacob, and I was married to him first. Now you want my son’s mandrakes?? Get outta here!” It would seem that Jacob must have been spending a lot of time with Rachel at this point; perhaps this is what caused Leah’s reaction. We don’t really know. But we do know that for the right of Reuben’s mandrakes, Rachel offers to let Jacob sleep with Leah if Leah would give Rachel the mandrakes.

Well, this turns out to be an acceptable deal to Leah. Sex with Jacob, in return for drugs. We read in verse 16 that after the deal, Leah runs out to meet Jacob, advises him that she has purchased his services for the evening using mandrakes as currency, and they screwed once more. And God blessed this situation by giving Leah another child.

Leah ends up having yet another son, and finally a daughter before Jacob goes back to screw Rachel, who bares the famous Biblical character, Joseph.

THINGS WE LEARN:

1. The Ancients saw nothing wrong with surrogacy.

2. Polygamy is acceptable.

3. Drugs don’t need to be controlled.

4. Sex for drugs (prostitution) is acceptable

5. Jacob was a horny guy, and the ancients seem to accept this natural drive and had little inhibition about screwing.

6. Love and sex are not inseparable.

7. Love can be motivated by physical appearance.

8. Having sex with your pretty cousins is a-ok.

9. Sex with multiple partners is blessed by God.

I realize that to many who have never heard a preacher or priest provide an exegesis of Genesis 30, that many of these things will be a shock to them. Many folk are familiar with the story of Jacob through “Bible Stories For Children” types of exegesis, where getting down into the nitty gritty detail of what went on is not considered acceptable. But folks, this is the Holy Word, in it’s nitty gritty detail. You may choose to accept it, or pull a Thomas Jefferson if you like, and cut out the passages you don’t like.

The fact remains that screwing is well known in the Bible, even with multiple partners, and God blessed it. Heck, Jacob had a baby factory going on there! And some willing women for his production line.

Plants that were narcotics were unregulated and were not prohibited. Sex for trade was acceptable; even Reuben likely new what happened to his mandrakes. It probably wouldn’t be very nice to call Leah a “mandrake slut,” but I’ve sure heard Christians call other women names for doing much less than what Leah ever did.Finally, indeed God is a libertarian God.

Amen, and Amen.

Update: I have just discovered that the above passage has been “pictorialized” with lego block characters. If you’re the type of person that gains understanding through images, perhaps this might help you understand what is actually going on in Genesis 29 and 30. See here.

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