Mermaids, Unicorns, and Health Care Systems

It seems to me that the quality of health care, in a single tier system, should somehow (I have no freaking idea how, but those that know better than me can explain) should mean fairness of all. Apparently it means no one jumps the queue based on wealth. Uh huh. Yes.. unicorns and mermaids exist.

Lisa at the London Fog, once again points out the absolute inequities of a so called socialistic health system when it comes to transportation costs of getting you care, when you think you need it.

Most of us are not medical experts. How the hell are we to know whether or not chest pains are something we need to get medical attention for right away, or not? In fact, even our own nanny state advice is that if we are feeling chest pain, get to the freaking hospital as soon as you can. If you don’t drive and don’t own a car, and taxi service is slow, what should you do? Well.. diall 911, I guess, and get an ambulance there. Or a mermaid and unicorn.

But what if you’re told ahead of time that transportation via a 911 ambulance could cost you $100.00? Hmmm? Ah the unicorn and mermaid will find the money.

Personally, I’d be willing to pay a hundred bucks for someone to get me to the best medical facilites in minutes, if it would save my life and mean I’d get more time to watch my awesome sons grow, share relationships with people I love, and let other friendships grow. But what gets me is that after I agree to pay 100.00 to get transported, I have absolutely no say in the quality or quantity of care I get.

And believe me, I sure as hell don’t want to be paying a hundred bucks for someone else taking an ambulance for some knee problem. And then find out my heart problem is worth the same value of 100 bucks. But a sexy mermaid might find the way for me. Along with some unicorn horns.

This ambulance transfer fee is exactly what is wrong with public health care. In calling an ambulance, I have no guarantee of the same response or same quality of health care as someone in Toronto that lives three minutues from the ambulance depot, and also lives three minutes within the siren red light flashing distance of the fine hospital where there are an unequivalent number of specialists, in the big city. Where no unicorns or mermaids exist.

Where I live, I’d be lucky to be seen by a specialist with two days. And regardless of my income, I will likely still have to pay the ambulance fee just to get to see the specialist that might keep me alive. But where I live, unicorns and mermaids may also exist.

I would love to see how public fully paid health care proponents manage to get around this obvious inequity with regard to medicare. Unicorns have the answer. They point to mermaids.

What if I decide to go snow boarding up in Moosonee? Do I get to depend on the exact same “Quality” of health care should something terrible happen to me as someone who lives at Bay and Bloor in Toronto? At what cost? Ah, the uniicorn will tell me.. mermaids don’t live where there is snow.. you should have gone where the mermaids live.

At the cost of those who have decided to live at Bay And Bloor? Can the proponents of public health care guarantee that if I am up on some island in Moosonee, that I will be have access to the exact same quality of health care as someone at Bay and Bloor? With the exact same expectations of survival from a heart attack?

You’ll guarantee me the same level of care, same level of response time, same level of technology avaialable to me as someone who lives in the heart of Toronto?

Uh huh… and I met a mermaid once, that once had a best friend that was a unicorn. Of course, I had to kill the unicorn in order to get the life saving elixir, while making love to the mermaid that promised me all sorts of pleasures.

Public health care is not much different than myths of unicorns and mermaids. Sensual, wonderful, and of course, desirable.. but in the end, the mermaid enjoyed the unicorn corn’s more than she enjoyed me. Even though she wanted to own me. The mermaid just took took too long in finding the unicorn which would provide all I needed as far as health care.

But the mermaid sure was sexy. And looked good. The top of her was convincing.. but as I dug down deep to taste all of her, all I find is scales.. and no juice. And my lips bled as I tried to pleasure her. The mermaid of public health care was a mirage.. a dream.. with beautiful bust.. but in the end, I couldn’t really get inside her.

And the unicorn screwed me.

And of course, most of the above is gibberish. Just like “fairness in healthcare systems” is nothing but gibberish.

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